It’s National Poetry Day, and, as I haven’t written anything longer than a blog post for absolutely ages, I thought I’d try and get something done. If nothing else, at least it’s loosened my writing muscles up a bit.

Armchair Sports Fan

My local football team wears a red and white kit,
But they ought to wear brown ’cause they play like shit!
Played ten, won two, say no more,
Every other match is a no-score draw.
They might be the strongest side in the league,
‘Cause they’re holding up another nineteen teams.
It’s tough at the top, but let it not be forgotten,
It’s also pretty darn tough at the bottom.
This relegation battle
Has got me football-rattled.
Heading for the drop zone
(Man, am I glad I stayed home!)

Chorus:
Hit the red button and grab the remote.
Goal of the Week – don’t forget to vote!
Football Focus (Isn’t Alan handsome?)
Don’t ask me, I’m just an armchair sports fan.

Now I’m bored of the Beckhams and I’m changing channels
Oh no! Eleven Englishmen all wearing white flannels!
Fumbling the catches at point and slips,
All out for a hundred and they say it’s just a blip.

And now on BBC2, it’s over to St Andrews.
Harrington and Mickelson are straining every sinew,
Tiger Woods, just missed the pin,
But it don’t mean a thing ’cause he ain’t got that swing!

London Marathon – is Paula Radcliffe fittest?
If they’d renamed the race, she’d be running in the Snickers!
Fun-runner costumes – Spongebob Squarepants
It must be bloody hot inside and feel like twice the distance.

2012 and the Olympics are here
Phillips Idowu grins from ear to ear,
But his fifty-metre leap doesn’t cut it
‘Cause he’s thrown by a female Russian shot-putter.

Shouting at the TV,
Slagging off the referee,
I think I could do better by myself on a Nintendo Wii.
What I know about sports you could write on a stamp,
So don’t ask me, I’m just an armchair sports fan.