Fortunately, I have the solution.

Gordon Brown, who was PM last week and is now more akin to an unwelcome squatter in Downing Street, has, it appears, missed a trick. If you’re reading this, Gordy, don’t think WWJD. Think WWRMD.

What would Robert Mugabe do?

I’ll tell you what he’d do. He’d have a few million more ballot papers printed (after the results were in) and then he’d make his party activists stay up through the night putting an X in all the right boxes until the sums finally came out right. This is why Mugabe is a great international statesman and Brown will, before long, probably find himself having to kiss Nick Clegg’s shoes. Unless, of course, someone else gets there first.

Naturally, we had a few doubts about this story, mostly because of the following details:

The experts who were on a bird-ringing expedition in the Shiant Isles in the Hebrides said they have discovered a puffin first ringed over 34 years ago.

Pardon me if I tend to over-anthropomorphise, but surely it’s quite possible for puffins, like humans, to pass their jewellery — their ‘bling’, if you prefer — down from one generation to the next. Who, then, can say that this puffin is the one that was originally ringed? Maybe this one is only a teenager. Put yourself in the puffins’ place and imagine the conversations they might have:

First puffin: Ooh, that’s a nice ring. Where did you get that?

Second puffin: Family heirloom.  It was my grandmother’s, if you must know.

First puffin: It looks nice on you, I must say. Oh, look out, here come those pesky birdwatchers again. Gotta dash. I’ll come round for supper later if that’s all right. Are you having anything nice?

Second puffin: Fish again. See you around eight o’ clock. Ta-ta!

Go on then. Somebody prove me wrong!

Make your own cotton morsbags and distribute them – each one has the potential to eliminate 100s of plastic bags over its lifetime.

sad fact: over 1 million plastic bags are consumed per minute globally.

gut-wrenching fact: marine wildlife mistake plastic bags for food and die.

frustrating fact: supermarkets and politicians will take years to sort it out.

happy fact: making morsbags will help, with immediate effect.

Although I haven’t made one myself, I have for years used a couple of Wilko’s ‘bags for life’ to save using plastic bags.

My back is already knackered from a horse riding accident when I was a kid, this is not going to help

My Grandma taught me to knit, as well as read and write, before I went to school. I can follow most patterns, but I’ve never really experimented with fancy stitches. I couldn’t put the book down yesterday. Luckily I’d also bought loads of wool, I am in heaven!!

It also has Crochet stitches in, which I need to re-learn. For some reason I always found Crocheting hard work, but I’m determined to get the hang of it.

I might scan some of the wonderful stitches in later, I’m sure I’m not the only person who gets excited over knitting stitches