Television is, it sometimes seems, full of cheaply made real-life cop shows consisting mostly of speeding motorists or dangerously overloaded lorries. One clip I’ve always remembered featured a moped rider who had been caught on camera with a ridiculously wide load, a huge box or something, on the back of his bike.

As a typical example of nature imitating mass-market entertainment (because even the most charitable onlooker wouldn’t call it art), I present to you the little sparrow I spotted lurking under the hawthorn hedge across the road from our house. He spent a few seconds’ scrabbling about in the dust, and then launched himself towards our kitchen window, aiming, we think, for the bathroom window above, or rather the ledge above that.

Clasped firmly in his beak was a straw-coloured piece of grass about a foot long. Scale both the grass and the bird up and you have the equivalent of the heavily laden scooterist from Highway Cops 8. I kid you not.

The spadgers are welcome to nest above our bathroom window. It’s probably good feng shui; brings extra good fortune, extra chi to the place, no doubt.

The extra window cleaning fees will come later. Unless, that is, we can flog sparrow guano on eBay. Makes wonderful fertilizer, I’m told. Anyone want to pre-order a bag?